There are nine of us. We have been friends since high school. Some of us went on to college together but we have all stayed in touch throughout the years. We started careers together. We were there for each other as we kissed alot of frogs and finally found our prince. We were in each others weddings, we had our babies together, we have grown into womanhood together. We have gone on a spring and fall girls trips almost every year together since we graduated from college. Nine of us, we called ourselves the Peacocks.
Last Wednesday my mom called to tell me that Chrissy, my dear friend since 10th grade and one of my beloved peacocks had died. Chrissy was beautiful, hilarious, kind and so intelligent. With her wild curly hair and her huge heart, she made everyone feel loved. The girl cracked me up. She lived two doors down from me in high school. Sometimes we would sneak out of our houses and sit on the curb at 1:00 am and talk. We thought we were so crazy. Chrissy leaves behind her husband and a her little girl who she loved more than life, Avery. She leaves behind two grieving parents. Chrissy was the only child. She leaves behind sooooooooooo many friends that miss her deeply.
I haven’t been able to wrap my head around this tragedy. A 38 year old mom is not suppose to die. Her mom said she had not been feeling well, but we didn’t know. Her husband said they didn’t realize how sick she was. She was going to a specialist this week. She died while her husband and daughter played at the pool. So unexpected, so tragic. I just keep thinking of that little girl who doesn’t have her momma anymore. I think of Carol who doesn’t have her daughter anymore. I think of our next girls trip and Chrissy not being there.
I feel like I have been walking in mud for the past week. I am having a hard time thinking, talking, just being around people. My mind feels like it’s in a fog. I just don’t understand why this happened. I trust God. I know he has a plan for all of us. When my Lilly asked why God had this plan for Chrissy, I couldn’t answer. I didn’t know what to say, because I just don’t understand myself. But I know he loves us.
I was walking around my house aimlessly the other day not being able to focus on anything, so I prayed. I prayed hard. I found myself in my sewing room with an old quilt and a pair of scissors. I know odd. I just started cutting, almost in a frenzy. It was like a release, being in my favorite place, tears flowing, praying for understanding and for Avery, just cutting away. As I prayed and cut up that quilt I suddenly felt so peaceful.
I looked at my scrapes and couldn’t believe my eyes. The scrapes were in the shapes of letters. The letter scrapes spelled love. I do not lie. Thank you God.
|I wish I had taken a picture of the scrapes before I doctored them up a bit.|