Large crowds make me nervous.
Loud music and lots of people talking make me want to rock back and forth in a corner singing, Yes Jesus Loves Me.
I went to my husband’s 20 year reunion Saturday night. We went to the same high school, but I am wayyyy younger. I graduated the year behind him. I was excited to see everyone and catch up but I knew I was going to be nervous and uncomfortable. Hi, my name is Angela and I am an introvert.
It has taken me many many years to except the fact that I am an introvert. I’ve tried since high school to be the fun, loud, outgoing girl, and I succeeded. I fooled everyone including myself. I was the first one at the party and the last one to leave, I danced all night and I talked to anyone and everyone. But I knew deep down that wasn’t who I really was. I was giving the world what I thought they wanted and what I thought would make them happy. But I wasn’t happy.
The past two years I have done some major growing up. I have excepted myself for who I really am, I’m becoming my own best friend, and learning to love myself. I would rather be at home in my PJs reading a good book then at a swanky party all dolled up. I’d rather grab coffee or go on a walk with a friend then go out for a big girls night out. I thrive and get energized from being alone in my sewing room. I get lost for hours creating forgetting to feed my family or go to the bathroom.
As I sat on my bar stool sipping my tenth glass of water, I watched as everyone danced, laughed, and had a great time. It was sooooooooo great to see everyone and catch up. I wanted to take each of them one by one out for coffee so I could really hear them and really listen to what was going on in their lives.
I started to get a little down on myself for not being in the middle of the dance floor when an angel appeared. Angels seem to show up when I least expect it and need it the most. This sweet dear friend slide a bracelet on my wrist, hugged me and whispered how proud she was of me. It meant the world to me. Thank you dear friend.
I may not be the life of the party, I may not be the most exciting person in the room, I may sit quietly and just take it all in. But I am being true to myself and that feels really good.