My shining moment as a mom.

 

I started reading the book Ungluded by Lysa Terkeurst last night.  This was the forward that caught my eye and what prompted me to share this post.  Let me make you feel better as a mom, a person, as a human being by sharing my yuckiness.  My gift to you!  Enjoy!

Remember the other day when I said that anger is an emotion that I usually don’t have to deal with?  Yeah I ate those words big time Tuesday morning.  My daughter, 10 and son, 6 couldn’t be anymore different if it was possible.  My son is shy, a pleaser, quiet, sweet as pie and loves his momma.  Lilly my free spirit, creative, strongwilled, mind of her own, going to be president one day is the sweetest little girl in the world, however she is definitely a difficult child at times (alot of times).  Like her daddy in every way, she has a hard time sitting still, focusing, concentrating, doing what she is asked.  My husband was the same way growing up.  We went to high school together and I remember thinking as he was getting in trouble once again, what in the world are HIS kids going to be like.  Funny how life turns out.

Lilly has always had a very difficult time with school.  I started her too early and since day one she has thought school was social time not learning time.  We did the unthinkable and held her back this year.  It has been a decision that we have struggled with since Kindergarten and finally bit the bullet and did it this year.  She would have to repeat the 4th grade.

Last week, her first week back at school was a rough one.  She said kids were making fun of her, pointing fingers at her, and laughing when they saw her in the hall.  Yes this broke my heart, broke my heart in two.  The thoughts that swam around and around in my head were that I had scarred her for life, she would grow to hate be for doing this to her, I had crushed her spirit, she would never believe just how wonderful she really is.  We made it though last week, her teacher was growing on her and she had made some friends.  Unfortunately a three day weekend was lurking and was going to mess this all up.  Dang it Labor day.

Tuesday morning started with tears and nervous bellies, hers and mine.  It wasn’t until we got to the bus stop that all hell broke loss.  The bus came and she refused to get on it.  ANGER.  She started backing away as the bus pulled up and said though tears “I can’t do it”.  I was pushing her to get on, pulling her toward the bus, but she didn’t wouldn’t budge.  ANGER, all I could feel was anger.  My face was hot and I just couldn’t believe she didn’t get on.  Everyone was looking at us.  Kindergartens were getting on but I had a ten year old who flat out refused.

She apologized all the way home and said she would go if I took her.  My husband volunteered to take her as soon as we walked in the door.  He has this amazing way with her, probably because they are the same person.  They left and I went on a walk with my dear friend Beth.  The walk with Beth isn’t something we normally do but boy did God put her in my life that morning.  We talked and talked, and she told me how she was changing her life by simplifying, saying no and concentrating on her family.  I was starting to feel calm as we walked, until I got the phone call from my husband.

He pulled up to the school and the teacher on duty came over to open the door. Lilly shut it.  The teacher opened the door again only for Lilly to shut it again in her face.  ANGERRRRRRRR  My hubby pulled up and parked the car, came around to get her out.  Not only did she get out of the car, she ran.  Ran like a deer is what my husband said.  Away from the school toward the busy road with all the carpool traffic.  My husband was left standing there with the teachers, parents, and the principal staring at him.  Scared and angry (yes there is that word again) he weaved in and out of cars to get to her.  Somehow he got her back in the car and brought her home.  He then called me and my calm walk turned into me coming ungluded (yes that is why I started the book).

I met them back at the house convinced that she was going to school.  I didn’t care if I had to carry her kicking and screaming into the classroom, she was going.  I couldn’t just let her sit around and get behind again, and I had stuff to do.  Yeah I’m not selfish at all (are you feeling good about yourself yet?).  I said in my best stern voice, which if you know me is veryyyyy scary (ha), “Lilly get in that car”.  Here I will admit I may have let a cuss word slip, maybe two.  Again I am trying to make you feel better about yourself.  Your welcome.  She said no, I said yes, she started out the back door running and hopped the fence.  Yes you read that correct, she freaking hopped the fence and ran away.  My daughter ran away for the first time.

I sat there for a moment completely stunned.  I could not believe what was happening.  I could not believe that I could not control this situation.  What was I suppose to do.  How was I going to get her to school, more importantly how was I going to get her home?  Where had I failed as a mother that my 10 year old was acting like this??? Who should I call?  I’m embarrassed to admit this, but I almost goggled what to do when your daughter hops a fence and runs away.  I was losing it.

She came home a short time later.  Weston and I gave up.  We failed and she won.  We put her in her room and I went for a drive.  That just seems to be my way of dealing with anger situations lately.  I must leave, I must drive, I must get away and cool down.  I had never been that angry at my child before.  I wanted to grab her and shake some sense into her.  Didn’t she know how blessed she is that she even gets to go to school?  Man I was hotttt.  I was only gone for about 15 minutes trying to figure out what to do.  As I thought and thought, Cammie kept coming to mind.  Cammie is a dear friend and the Children’s Director at our church and has a very special relationship with Lilly.  Lilly loves Cammie and trusts her.  I wanted to call Cammie but I didn’t.  I didn’t want to bother her with our crazy problems.  She was probably busy, probably had a ton of work to do, plus I didn’t want her to know what an awful momma I was.  At that exact moment I passed Cammie.  In the car, drove right by her.  So yes this was my sign from God to call.  I called immediately and Cammie came right over.  Just dropped everything she was doing to come help my hurting daughter. The look on Lilly’s face when she saw Cammie calmed my heart.

After Cammie left, Lilly was a different child.  She was calm and apologetic.  She said that she would try again tomorrow.  She told me over and over how much she loved me.  Lilly showed me the Bible verses that she and Cammie had written out.  She walked around with them most of the day.  I didn’t make her go to school after her meeting with Cammie.  We were all emotionally and physically exhausted.  We just needed to rest and start over today.

This morning she got on the bus.  She had tears in her eyes and was clutching those Bible verses like they would fly away.  When the bus pulled up she said, “I can do it” and was the first one on.  I saw her staring out the window as the bus pulled away with a tears falling down her checks.  My heart broke for her, but I was so proud of her.  Prouder than I have ever been.

Yesterday was a yucky, hard, difficult awful, day but God showed up over and over.  Beth’s friendship and wise words, Cammie dropping everything and coming over to help my family, how my husband and I leaned on each other though our hurt and anger, my renewed trust in God, My extreme love and hope for my daughter.

I guess some bad days are really good days in disguise.

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49 Responses to My shining moment as a mom.

  1. Katherine September 6, 2012 at 12:28 pm #

    I had a doozy of a day a few Saturdays ago. I was hesitant to call my friend for help because I was embarrassed. My husband later reminded me that we should want people to see our crappy sides. Our parenting mistakes. Let’s not pretend we’re perfect, right? Like we don’t need other people, or God for that matter?

    Easier said than done. But definitely a good discipline.

    I like reading about other people’s hard parenting days. It comforts me:)

    • angela September 6, 2012 at 3:47 pm #

      Hi Katherine,
      It is so hard to call when you need help. But you know I love it when someone calls me or needs me to help. I feel blessed that they would involve me in their life. It was hard to reach out but so worth it in so many ways.
      love
      Angela

  2. Linda September 6, 2012 at 12:57 pm #

    Oh, if you only knew how many lives this story will touch—not only parents! It was so beautifully written and I think I held my breath while I was reading it—I could feel the emotion of everyone of you! What a great reminder of how God does provide in the midst of chaos! What a special woman you are and what a wonderful blessing Cammie was—–okay, what are the verses she gave Lilly–I might need to hold them one day when I don’t want to get on the bus :). Praying for Lilly to have a good day!

    • angela September 6, 2012 at 3:45 pm #

      Hi Linda!!!
      How are you!?!?!? Hope you are doing great! Yes emotion was high on Tuesday! I was so exhausted I actually took a nap on the couch when it was all over! I was wiped out! Lilly has the Bible verses with her today, yes she got on the bus againnnnnnnn this morning!!! i will let you know when she gets home! She had a great day yesterday!
      lots of love,
      Angela

    • angela September 6, 2012 at 10:41 pm #

      Hey Linda!
      Here are the verses! Lots of love!!!!
      Philippains 4:5-7
      Galations 1:10
      Isaiah 43:1-3

      I am going to make some for my wallet when I don’t want to get on the bus too! hahaha That sounds like the a good title for a book!

    • angela September 6, 2012 at 11:21 pm #

      Forgot one!
      Joshua 1:9

  3. Vanessa @ Strickly Speaking September 6, 2012 at 1:19 pm #

    My boys are only 4 yrs and 3 yrs and I am already experiencing this overwhelming anger at times. I’m pregnant with #3 (oh yeah, and hey I’m overdue by 5 days today! whoopee!)
    I related with so much of what you wrote and had tears in my eyes as I finished reading.
    Good for you (times like, a MILLION) for not being afraid to go to Cammie and ask for her help. And for seeing her relationship with Lilly as something God could use instead of being jealous that he wasn’t using you to get through to Lilly. I remember feeling this jealousy and resentment in my own mother when I chose to go to other women in the church for mentorship and help in my life. It made me sad that she couldn’t be happy that I was choosing growth – even if it couldn’t come from her at that particular point in my life.
    You are a good Mama. We have a good God. :) Amen.

    • angela September 6, 2012 at 3:42 pm #

      Vanessa!!! Overdue by 5 dayssssssssssssssss!?!?!?! I will be praying for you and your sweet baby!
      I didn’t think about not feeling jealous about Lilly listening to Cammie instead of me! Man I was just happy she came over and that she could calm her down!! Thank goodness God put her in my path!
      lots of love
      Angela

  4. Jean September 6, 2012 at 1:31 pm #

    What a beautiful story. You are a great Mom…God bless!

    • angela September 6, 2012 at 3:40 pm #

      Thank you Jean!
      xoxo
      Angela

  5. Colleen September 6, 2012 at 1:52 pm #

    I, too, have momma moments like this. My 13 year old daughter is very similar to your Lilly-including the special bond with her Daddy. Thank you for sharing your day. It makes us all seem human with the help of God. I also would like to know which verses that Cammi helped Lilly with! God is good!

    • angela September 6, 2012 at 3:39 pm #

      Hi Colleen!
      I will let you know the verses when Lilly gets home from school! She has a great day yesterday and got on the bus again today clutching those verses. I will email when she gets home!
      xoxox
      Angela

    • angela September 6, 2012 at 10:42 pm #

      Hi Colleen!
      Here you go! I am making some cards for my wallet too!

      Philippains 4:5-7
      Galations 1:10
      Isaiah 43:1-3

      • Colleen September 6, 2012 at 11:16 pm #

        Thank you so much for replying! I do love the verses…Cammi is a smart woman!

  6. Judy September 6, 2012 at 2:52 pm #

    My four children are all grown, but I had days identical to yours with each of my children. Today they are all

    married with lives of their own and I am thankful that I hung in there doing what I thought was right even

    when they didn’t agree. My prayers are with you and other mothers raising children, it isn’t easy but it is

    worth the anxiety, frustration and at times anger.

    • angela September 6, 2012 at 3:38 pm #

      Thank you for your prayers Judy! It is sooooooooo worth the hard times isn’t it!!!!
      lots of love
      Anglea

  7. Debbie September 6, 2012 at 4:02 pm #

    Your story brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for sharing – I feel like I can relate, except that I seem to have those moments all the time, so no, it doesn’t make me feel better about myself!

    • angela September 6, 2012 at 10:13 pm #

      Ohhhh Debbie, next time you have one of those moments email or call me! I will come over and take you thrifting! That alwayssssss makes me feel better! Finding someone to talk to is sometimes really hard but makes all the difference in the world.
      hang in there!
      lots of love
      Angela

  8. Dottie September 6, 2012 at 5:35 pm #

    Your blog is beautiful and emotional and very healthy to me. My son is an adult now but I can vividly, almost painfully, remember when we had our storms like the one you had. It is mad desperation when a beloved child tries to become the enemy. You handled this with such grace and resourcefulness. Your daughter is lucky. Like others, it would be nice to know the scripture that helped this young woman board the bus if it’s not too private. Fear of boarding the bus is somewhat symbolic of issues for all women, isn’t it? Thank you.

    • angela September 6, 2012 at 10:16 pm #

      Hi Dottie!
      With a name like Dottie I doubt I would ever be angry again, just love your name!! Thank you for your kind words! It was a storm wasn’t it! I like that label, you know that storms do pass just like this one has. She has had two great days! I am on my way to her bookbag and will let you all know the scriptures!
      lots of love
      Angela

    • angela September 6, 2012 at 10:39 pm #

      Here you go friend!

      Philippains 4:5-7
      Galations 1:10
      Isaiah 43:1-3

    • angela September 6, 2012 at 11:20 pm #

      Forgot one!
      Joshua 1:9

  9. Linda Vandenberg September 6, 2012 at 6:14 pm #

    Thanks for sharing…sometimes these blogs make everyone feel they have to be perfect….moms, houses, kids, meals…thanks for being real.I too have had those terrible hard days and will have those hard days. Thanks to God for putting those people in place to help us through these difficult times and to also help us to realize we are good moms just doing life as it comes and sometimes it is not so pretty. I will pray for your family and am so proud of your daughter Lily for getting back on that bus. These are the times we grow in the Lord…blessings on your day…Linda

    • angela September 7, 2012 at 10:20 am #

      Hey Linda!
      Yes I have grown more this week than I have in a long time. Huge lessons were learned by everyone is my house. Who would have thought that such a horrible day would bring so many blessings and such happiness!
      thank you for sharing,
      Angela

  10. Dana @ Cooking at Cafe D September 6, 2012 at 7:42 pm #

    Hi Angela,
    Just recently found your blog :)

    Boy, I’m reading Unglued, too. Between that book and Interrupted by Jen Hatmaker my world is a bit rocked. Unglued really challenges me on my reactions. Interrupted challenges me on my assumptions. Both are challenges i need right now.

    And, I think I could use a walk with your friend, beth :)

    Thank you for being to vulnerable to us.

    Blessings,
    ~ Dana
    CookingAtCafeD

  11. dawn paton September 6, 2012 at 9:35 pm #

    Oh friend, thanks so much for sharing. I so totally relate to your struggle and to the joy of having a friend (and GOD) to trust with your child. You know we’ve been through a lot of parenting challenges and I’m sure there will be more. I have very few issues with laying it all out there for prayer and know it made us feel better in the times where things weren’t going to be “fixed” anytime soon. You did just the right things. Know you’re not alone and there are lots of us challenged parents out here.
    Dawn

    • angela September 7, 2012 at 10:03 am #

      Hey girl
      “Challenged parents” hahahahahaha!! I like that! Thank you Dawn, I love you! You are always so encouraging to me. Thank you dear friend. By the wayyyyyyyyyyyy……love your cubbie! We need to have a cubbie party!
      lots of love
      Angela

  12. Susan September 6, 2012 at 11:19 pm #

    I have had my share of issues with my 11 year old daughter, and often times I’ve felt like I am the only one going through it. Thank you for having the courage to share this!

    • angela September 7, 2012 at 10:03 am #

      You are not alone Susan!!!!
      xoxoxox
      Angela

  13. pogonip September 7, 2012 at 12:18 am #

    Please please please make sure her teacher and the school administration knows that kids are laughing and pointing.

    There is a name for that and it is bullying.

    As a teacher I have zero tolerance for that behavior. Every school should. But they can’t do anything about it unless you let them know what happened and follow up on their efforts to educate their student population about correct/polite/appropriate behavior towards a classmate. I’m so sorry that your sweet daughter was on the receiving end this time, but maybe you can help prevent this from happening to another child.

    Off my soapbox now, but bullying of any sort really pushes my buttons! Sending sweet wishes that the worst is now over and the year will become better and more fun day by day :)

    • angela September 7, 2012 at 10:05 am #

      Man, I never thought about that. I will talk to her teacher. Thank you for taking the time to share. We actually have had two suicides at the local high school recently due to bullying. Thank you.
      Angela

      • pogonip September 7, 2012 at 4:29 pm #

        You’re welcome. I’m so glad to see she’s happier now–wish it could have been that way from the beginning!

  14. Krissy September 7, 2012 at 12:47 am #

    Angela, my sweet friend. I’m so sorry your amazing little girl is going through this. So proud of her for facing her fears. Fears are so crippling. What courage. Hope you know you can call to talk at any time.
    I’ll be thinking about you, my friend.
    Krissy

    • angela September 7, 2012 at 10:08 am #

      Thanks Krissy
      You and I both are very familiar with fear aren’t we! I think we should do a whole seminar on fear and what it can do to you! Thank you for your thoughts. I will keep your number handy. Clines soon!?!?
      xoxox
      Angela

  15. Stacey September 7, 2012 at 1:02 am #

    Angela,
    I am a new follower & just had to share how your story touched my heart. My prayers will be for you and your sweet little Lillie & the rest of you as you adjust to the days that seem so difficult right now. My babies are all grown up & I wish with all that I am that we could go back…my older self sees so many of the things I think I would do better now. So many times I got so angry and never reached out to anyone-I pray that my kids don’t remember those days…they seem to still love me so maybe it wasn’t ever as bad as I thought:) I admire you for making the call & reaching out and letting Cammie help her…I truly believe God was all over that. So proud of your girl for having the courage to be the first one to get on that bus & face that fear head on. You will forever have my admiration for sharing your story.

    • angela September 7, 2012 at 10:09 am #

      Stacey,
      Your comment brought tears to my eyes. All I can say is thank you. Thank you for sharing, and thank you for your prayers.
      lots of love
      Angela

  16. Tracey September 7, 2012 at 1:26 am #

    Oh Angela, reading that (especially today on the heels of a ROUGH afternoon here) I knew I had to comment. We have struggles with our oldest as well- ones that leave us all angry, or embarrassed or sad or all of the above. No one likes those feelings, but especially as the parent you feel like you should not only be able to control your child’s actions but at the very least control your actions and reactions to what they do. I like to say “my stuffing fell out” when I’ve lost my temper and behaved in a way I’m not proud of, and this afternoon there was stuffing all over this place.
    Thank you for sharing, and I’m wishing nothing but smooth sailing for Lily!

    • angela September 7, 2012 at 10:13 am #

      Hey girl!!!!
      I was laughing today when I was on Instagram. I saw your photos and captions (which always make me laugh) I felt like I needed to call you and share all the stuffing that is on my floor too! We sooooooooooooon need to get together!
      lots of love
      Angela

  17. Robn September 7, 2012 at 2:44 am #

    Angela –
    As I read your story I could feel my heart breaking for you, for Lilly, and for those cruel children at school. Even now I still have tears streaming down my face. Your authenticity to share your blessed horrible day. So often after I have those “angry moments” all I want to do is crawl in my bed and hide. Reaching out to share with others and to seek their encouragement and God’s intervention through them seems so far away. Thank you for reminding me of just another reason God put special people in my life.

    • angela September 7, 2012 at 10:16 am #

      Hi Robn
      I usally do the same thing, hide, crawl in the bed, smile when I feel like crying. I hate to let people see the ugly side of my life. This week has taught me different though. I just can’t believe all the good that has come from just opening up a little and letting people in!!
      lots of love
      Angela

  18. Upscale Downhome September 7, 2012 at 6:54 pm #

    Thanks for being real and I didn’t cry until she left for school with the Bible verses in her hand. That got me. So thankful that God gave us His word to carry us through. It is living and powerful!

    • angela September 8, 2012 at 4:26 pm #

      Hey Sarah!
      Yeah that got me too! Seeing her get on the bus holding them. I was a wreck all week! Buttt she and I both are feeling so much better! She is like a change child! Amazing.
      xoxoxox
      Angela

  19. Laurel September 7, 2012 at 9:43 pm #

    Angela, I SO appreciated your willingness to share your story – I know I have come unglued before with my kids, and felt like I was the only mom ever who had lost it – like everyone else is happy and calm all the time, and I am the only one who has bad days! In my heart I know that isn’t really true, but mom-guilt is powerful! My daughter is a late summer birthday (Aug 21) and I can tell you I regret every day that I did not hold her back… when I dropped her off at college two years ago she was still only 17 and boy was she not ready. She did a year of school then came home for a year to “find herself”. So at least she was smart enough to know that she needed to grow up a little before going back! She started again a few weeks ago and feels much more confident and happy. You are giving your daughter the greatest gift – time to grow – and even though this year might be hard, later on everything will be so much easier. I will be praying for her!

  20. Geri Johnson September 8, 2012 at 1:07 am #

    Hi! I just wanted to say how much your story touched my heart. Your daughter is such a great champion to get on that bus clutching her Bible verses. What courage! I hope she knows how amazing that was!

    We had to have my son repeat 1st grade but his teacher helped make it one of the best experiences of his life! She got him to “help” her assist the other kids because he was older and had already “been through it.” She relied on him to be her hero in the classroom or at least made him feel he was. He passed out papers or collected them and so on. She played up his strengths and I don’t think he ever felt less than or not enough because he had to repeat a grade. Thank God for that gem of a teacher! He blossomed in her class and went on to get excellent grades & he is now finishing up his college credits to complete his Engineering Degree.

    I remember thinking I had failed him when the teacher and I had the discussion about keeping him back. But the teacher made it easy on both of us – she kept me updated on his progress and was just so darn caring and compassionate about the whole thing!

    Hopefully your daughter’s teacher will help her adjust. It’s gotta feel weird to see your friends move on without you, especially if kids are mean about it. Maybe having one of those getting to know you type of school just started parties would help her feel more comfortable & you could get to know some of the new parents too.

    Give your amazing champion of a daughter a big giant hug & tell her how proud she made you on the day she got on the bus!

  21. Kate September 8, 2012 at 1:59 am #

    My son is unique and found school difficult. We sacrifice like crazy to send him to the Waldorf school and it is an amazing fit. We all learn so differently and our system has room for one type of learning child.

  22. Robin Leonard September 10, 2012 at 1:56 am #

    Angela –
    Whew…I have those moments – snot and tears flying from all of us! Love how God shows up just when we need Him to. Precious story…will be praying for your Lilly!

    • angela September 11, 2012 at 10:34 am #

      Thank you Robin! God showed up over and over that day and the days that followed. I can’t explain how much Lilly and I have grown from the experience. Thank you so much for your prayers!!
      lots of love to you and your family!
      Angela

  23. Linnae Harper December 29, 2012 at 6:01 am #

    Hi Angela,

    I’m new to your blog and am amazed by your creativity. This post was so honest. Thank you. I used to think I was a patient person–then our 13-year-old nephew came to live with us, and I found out the truth about myself. My patience had never been tested quite like that before! Now we’re raising our own 3 littles ones and I am reminded daily how far I have to go!

    • angela January 3, 2013 at 10:32 pm #

      Hi Linnae
      Thank you so much for taking time out to write your sweet comment. One day at a time right! I have started praying for patient! I’ll let you know how it goes! hahaha! lots and lots of love coming your way!
      Angela

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